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falling apart

Kamis, 02 September 2010 ♥

sorry to say that this post have to be another mellow kind of sad one. but i just want to write whats on my mind this time. just trying to make a light in my head. –__-;

well..

its very painful for me to know that its already over. i still love him, but now i am not anyone for him anymore. why should i have to be so stupid and idiotic to choose this. my heart still full of him right now, its sad to think that even i feel this me might not feel the same, or even just to think of it.

times like this i always text him, and now that is already gone. i am missing that happy moments with him. i value those all. i don’t really care about things that i gave to him. at all. i didn’t regret it because i gave with my heart and didn’t expect anything but his love. but its really pitiful that now the chance gone and hard to come back.

i want him to know about my true feelings to me. i want to say sorry to him that i didn’t satisfy him back when we was together. i admit that i was still eaten up by my ego back then. i was too care about myself and didn’t think about his position. that is what in my mind. why regret always comes at the end. and realizing something have to be happen when we got in to something.

he is meaningful for me because he was there with me when i went through things. and i can say that he is the one who take a big part in me, changing me in to my true self little by little. i miss his warmth that will be so hard to get it back.

even we start everything in an extraordinary way, but that is what makes it special. and now, ended like this. i can feel the depth of the feeling scratching every possible part inside me.

but if i can be truthful, i am still put a hope. even if its impossible, but whenever i think of the hope my feelings becomes lighter. i know that chances for the hope wont go well is about 99.9999% even more. now i am on bias. i want to still holding my hope to makes it bigger but i also think that its impossible at the same time. this feeling is what i hate the most, makes me feel all wrong.

i can recall the time when he was proud got me as his gf. maybe even thats only in my mind but it feels great to feel it. that time, i felt that just be near him is enough. the comfort i got is different. some say its useless to put hope. but i dont want to remove the hope from me. it is blurred still, makes me confuse. but somethings inside me just dont want to let it go.

what i think why i should choose this is i want to give him space, and put hope for it to becomes better and turn out good in in the future. i need to understand what he feels. i think that i should have to go away from him so he can be better in any possibilities. its hurt now, i know. even i didn’t cry ,but inside it cracked me up real bad. someone say that cry inside is more painful. now i know how pain it is.

its wrong to still be faithful when things end but what i felt is that way. i cant even bother. i will just have to strengthen my heart to go through things by myself. have to face and fight. i dont know how long will this last. but i will just try to go through, let things go naturally. and i hope ended good.

people say i should have feel mad or something. but i cant. its just didnt passed through my mind at all. why??

anyhow, now i need time to think more clearly and plan what i should, what i should feel. going through this is hard but i have to face things that comes because of what i choose to do. i want feelings of bias like this finish soon. i want to be better to know what i want and i want to learn fight for it until i get the best.

god, please just give me strength to continue this story. and please dont let me dilute inside of things that makes me cant grow. i want to fight for myself i really do. i want to continue learning that. hope u allow me god. :]

08:44 | back to top

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PROFILE

♥minyo.vanya.nya.nyo
♥18 years old
♥currently in singaPOW!trapped in PSB academy
♥i love pink
♥taken by a bb boii named bao zhong jiang
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